Random Thoughts from Under the House

No doubt you've seen the blue penguin on TV who promises you the 'warmest feet' in the world. To prepare for his arrival I spent 4 hours in the crawl space under the house clearing out rubbish the previous owners/residents left. Here are some of the random discoveries and thoughts I had:

• You never appreciate how big your house is until you have to crawl the length of it underneath.


• If you ever inspect a house and find piles of rubbish under it, don't think the existing resident will clear it out. And don't think it will only take an hour if they don't.


• I would be embarassed to admit to drinking Rheineck, Fosters and Steinlager Blue. But if you bought it, the cans should go into the rubbish after you drink it, not under the house.


• Ditto the bottles for Pink Marquee Vue, cheap French Cuvee and even cheaper Brandy


• Finding a dead hedgehog gives you a start.


• But not as much of a start as realising it's actually alive and trying to get away.


• Six Foot Three Inch Men are not designed to fit into a crawl space about two feet high.


• Ditto entrances that are 30cm high.


• Banging your head on the plumbing and floor support beams hurt - a lot.


• But not as much as picking up a piece of wood with a nail protuding from it.


• I hope the neighbours didn't hear what I said when I picked up a piece of wood with a nail protuding from it.

But now the crawl space under the house is mostly free of rubbish. There is still some surplus timber to come out - then the job of removing the hundreds of stones that have found a home under the house.