Choosing a name

One of the hardest things a couple will ever confront when having a baby is agreeing on names. You have to choose a name that doesn't offend anyone in the family, give favouritism to anyone in the family, and (most importantly) also a name that the child won't ever be disappointed with using.

So, Chaucey and I sat down on the weekend and discussed names. We agreed:

• No repeats - so Michael the Second and Chaucey Jnr are out.
• No American Footballers - like Chad, Tyrone and Bradley.
• No drinks - like Chardonnay, Alize, Martini and Margarita.
• No stripper names - Crystal, Chanel and Destiny.
• No car names - Ford, Mercedes, Porsche.
• No super trendy names - Dylan, Shiloh, Zahara.
• No surnames - Thompson, Wilson, MacGyver.
• No voweless names - Vyvvyn, Yyn.
• No grandmother names - Gertrude, Ethel and Alva.
• No names that only Celebrities can get away with, no matter how big a fan I am of magician/comedian/political commentator Penn Jillette. (His daughter is Moxie Crimefighter and his newborn son is Zoltan - which is both his wifes maiden name and the name of Dracula's dog in the novel.)
• No names already in use by members of the family.
• No names that just don't suit the surname - Vladim and Kohkaylcomest (yes - we found that name on a baby name website)
• No town names - Brooklyn, Alexandra and Hamilton
• For obvious reasons - Alice and Alison
• No weird characer names from our favourite books - Zaphod, Sabriel, Herminone, Frodo.

So after all that we were left with a very short shortlist. And we've chosen a boy name and a girl name. But if you want to find out what they are you'll just have to be patient.

Of course, we could always change our mind.