Where the bloody hell are youse?

An absolute classic send-up of Australia's latest tourism campaign! (Warning, R18 - contains Language and Violence that may offend.)

But it seems not everyone is amused!

Hat Tip: Mark Ellis (off blog)

A Contempt for Parliament

Most people know I have a special contempt for Trevor Mallard - a contempt that's reciprocated as he's my local MP and doesn't like my robust questions I give him at public meetings.

But yesterdays display in Parliament is a new low. Trevor Mallard covered an oral question for Dover Samuels (who was in Wellington as he'd been at a Select Committee Meeting only two hours earlier). Mallard then used every inch of the Standing Orders to refuse to answer any question about Dover Samuels statements critical of Government Policy on aquaculture.

Just two weeks ago the Government was ever accusing National of wasting Parliamentary time on a trivial matter. Now National is raising the issue of Government delays in passing a bill on aquaculture regulatory framework (a growing export industry) and how even a Government Minister is frustrated by it and Mallard refuses to engage.

Transcript of the question is here.

Just what I was thinking

Michael Cullen has come out and said that any recession will be "short and small" - which is exactly what I thought on Friday.

Little Known Facts about Sarah Ulmer and Susan Devoy

On the Official Commonwealth Games website there are profiles of every athlete. And in the profile of Sarah Ulmer she names her idol is Susan Devoy. Bet you didn't know that!

But what you didn't know is that Susan Devoy is a retired Kiwi Cyclist.

And then you can read the profile at the bottom of the page and spot the truncated, repeated line appearing three times.

Having a recession? Winston Peters must be a Minister again!

How can you tell if New Zealand is having a recession? Check if Winston Peters is a Minister.

Since 1990, whenever Winston Peters is a Minister, New Zealand experiences more quarters of negative growth than postive growth. When he gets fired, the economy starts to grow again.

Take his period as Minister of Maori Affairs from September 1990 to October 1991. The December 1990 quarter is -1.0%, worse than the previous two quarters combined. The next two quarters are negative. Then in the quarter he is fired, the ecomomy grows 1.3%, followed by strong growth until the end of 1996.

Then, his return as Treasurer in December 1996. The next quarter (March 1997) had negative growth, followed by one strong quarter and three negative quarters. When Jenny Shipley fired him in August 1998, the economy recovered and grows by 6% over the next 12 months.

Finally, we get Winston Peters sworn in again as a Minister in October 2005. The GDP figure for the final three months of the year is -0.1%, after 18 consectutive positive figures.

So if Cullen wants to turn the economy around, all he needs to do is get Helen Clark to fire Winston Peters.

UPDATE: I pulled my figures from a number of different sources (like Stats Yearbooks, Treasury and Trading Bank documents) so didn't publish them as they would be slightly inconsistent measurements. David Farrer has done the calculations from official figures he holds.

Lower Hutt Apartment Block - Update

If you were paying attention, you may have noticed that I posted about a new apartment tower in Lower Hutt a fortnight ago. Well, it seems that the council found a way out of the problem.

They didn't object to the towers height.
They didn't object to the tower residents being able to see into others backyards.
They didn't object to the loss of sunlight to nearby residents.

They turned down the tower because the proposal was one carpark less than required in the district plan. They also changed the 12 metre height limit restriction in the central business district to include the proposed site so it is pointless to try submitting a new plan.

Now, I do sympathise with the council - they were caught completely unaware by this proposal and had to change the district plan once they'd found a way out.

But if the RMA was scrapped in favour of a more common-law based process - where anyone who can prove they (or their property) will be adversely affected by a proposed development can object to the development until they are satisfied, or a court rules on a fair process to resolve the issues - then the issue would have been not the councilis problem to navigate such a tricky path.

Just Plain Scary

17% of NZers would give their Internet Banking password to a bank staff member if asked, and 4% would give the password to a friend. See here.

So, as I am a bank man, could 17% of you please forward me your login ID and Password for Internet Banking. And could 4% of my friends also send me the login details.

Sideswipe

Congrats to the Penthouse - What a bloody good party it must have been to make a newspaper in another city.

Sideswipe
21.03.06 By Ana Samways

Two Act staffers used footage of Nazis to entertain guests at a private party at the weekend.

The cheeky righties were Act's communications manager Gavin Middleton and an unnamed researcher. Party guest and prolific blogger David Farrar from Kiwiblog site said it was "very weird to be singing along to Uptown Girl while the projector is showing Nazi propaganda films. Very bad taste humour but, hey, if people call Actoids Nazis then [sic] might as well live up to the stereotype".

Reactions to this behaviour split on predictable lines:

Act leader Rodney Hide said: "What people do at private parties I think is their own business."
National's Richard Worth said: "There's a strong Jewish community in Epsom and it's not appropriate for Mr Hide's staffer to hold such parties."

Later Farrar updated that the film was actually a documentary on the war, not a propaganda film, that was being used as wallpaper at the booze-fuelled party. Which makes it better how?

The Nazi footage aside, other issues of taste at the Act event that should be reprimanded include playing Billy Joel's Uptown Girl (even if it is Act's unofficial theme song), blogging during a party ("The vodka and bailys [sic] is flowing well and all are happy. A good crowd and a superb view from the Penthouse. It may be a long night. DPF from the Penthouse!") and yes, grown-ups bragging about booze (see above).

Minister of Blackouts

David Parker has resigned his remaining Ministerial posts, including Energy.

This weeks TransTasman has an interesting article about the Energy Sector, stating:

• Meridian Energy and Genesis have asked the Electricity Commission to bring it's reserve power station on line, but the Electricity Commision has said no.


• Meridian CEO Keith Turner says Transpower needs to upgrade the National Power Grid to Auckland, but the Electricity Commission wants it to explore alternatives to it's planned upgrade.


• The Commerce Commission is telling Transpower not to pre-fund it's planned National Grid Upgrade, and threatened it with price controls.


• Transpower also want to upgrade the Cook Strait Power Cable, and the Electricity Commission wants South Island Generators to pay for it, not North Island consumers.

TransTasman calls is a "buggers muddle" and asks when someone in Government will step in and sort out all the (mainly Government-owned) companies and Government agencies so some action will go ahead.

With David Parker gone, now if the oppurtunity to get decisive action from a new Minister of Energy. Given Labour's track record of hand-wringing on complicated issues, I don't hold out much hope.

Future Commonwealth Games

There has been some talk about the future of the Commonwealth Games. They are, in a way, a throwback to a time when a New Zealand Prime Minister would say, "Where Britain goes, we go." But as a competition they need to stay competitive and original to survive.

There are a number of sports events where there is a huge imbalance. In swimming, it is clear that there are athletes who are ranked in the top handful who win the medals, and then there are those ranked much lower who provide the non-medal winning placings. As an competition, swimming is a non-event. You can predict the medal winners weeks ahead in most categories.

However, there a number of sports that there are strong links to Commonwealth countries - like Rugby, Cricket, Squash, Netball, Bowls, etc. So if I was going to ensure the relevance of the Commonwealth Games I would ensure that every competition was meaningful and picking the winner would be difficult.

So the sports I would keep are:

• Track and Field - African and Carribean countries are strong in these events


• Badminton


• Hockey


• Lawn Bowls


• Rugby Sevens


• Squash


• Table Tennis (big in asia)


• Triathalon (although this would be a close call)

I would also add:

• Cricket 20/20 - although splitting up the Carribean Team into individual is a disadvantage to them.


• Ten Pin Bowling (very big in South East Asia)

Sports dropped:

• Swimming, including Diving and Syncronised Swimming - but probably not likely to happen


• Basketball


• Boxing


• Cycling - Track, Road and Mountain Biking


• Gymnastics


• Shooting


• Weighlifting

Any suggestions?

The Rule of Law

One of the reasons New Zealand is a sucessful democracy is that we have separate, independent arms of Government. Our Justice system is no under the control of any politician. In fact, our Justice system has taken legal steps against a number of MPs:

Donna Awatere-Huata (convicted of fraud)
Shane Ardern (charges of disorderly behaviour dropped when it was clear no conviction could be obtained)
Nick Smith (contempt of court)
Ruth Dyson (Driving while under the influence of alcohol)
John Banks (broke civil aviation law)

(There was also an MP in the 90s banned for accumalting too many speeding tickets and another charged after he fell asleep while driving injuring a passenger - but I can't recall their names.)

Police have also issued a stern warning to the Prime Minister over Paintergate, and to David Benson-Pope over his inappropriate disciplining of students.

So today I was a little disappointed that National attacked the Police for not charging the Labour Party over it's breach of the spending cap. The Police investigated and found that there was insufficient evidence to charge the Labour Party. I haven't seen the evidence, so don't want to second guess the Police in this matter.

If National really thinks Labour should have been prosecuted, and that the Police were influenced by political pressure, they should get and review the evidence that was presented to the Police first before making accusations.

However, I am totally behind National's call for Labour to refund the taxpayer for the pledge card. The Pledge Card could only be described as a request for votes as it was setting out Labour Priorities for Government if it won the election. If it was only about Government policy, then it would not have included the Student Loans promise which specifically was called 'Labour Party' policy, not 'Government Policy' by Labour before the election to avoid Government agencies scrutinising the plan.

Electoral Law Reform

At the moment, there are two Bills making their way through the Parliamentary Process which effect the way we are representated in Parliament. Both are bad

The first bill is the Electoral (Integrity) Amendment Bill - the Justice and Electoral Select Committee has heard submissions on the bill and will report back to Parliament soon. I think this Bill is very anti-democratic - it makes the presumption that a Party Leader and Party Caucus can second-guess what voters decided.

While I feel sympathetic to the ideals of the bill, how can anyone decide which Members of Parliament have betrayed the voters that put them their in the first place.

The second is the Electoral (Reduction in Numbers of Members of Parliament) Amendment Bill - voted to the Justice and Electoral Select Committtee this week. I'm sure if we held a public competition to name 20 MPs to be thrown out of Parliament as under performing then we would probably get 121 nominations. But we would also get 121 nominations of MPs to keep because of their good, hard work ethic (Well okay, maybe Judith Tizard might struggle to get that nomination.)

When MMP was introduced there were 60 General Seats and 5 Maori Seats. Ten years on, there are now have 62 General Seats and 7 Maori Seats. Next election we will have 71, 72 or even 73 seats - increasing the possibility of overhang seats (affecting proportionality). With the population of New Zealand growing towards 5 million in the next 30 years (an extra 15 electorates) we will also have to face the choice of enlarging electorates to maintain proportionality or increasing the number of MPs back up to 120 in just 5 or 10 years.

Finally, the Bill will make it difficult to get alternate representation. In Wellington, all electorate MPs are aligned to the Government. If the number of list MPs was reduced then it would be harder to get action from an MP to push something against current Government policy - like the Herceptin Petition.

The Police Decision

When I first heard the Police annoucement that Labour, National and others would not be charged over various breaches of the Electoral Act I thought to myself "Huh?". But having taking the time to read of the Police Press Release I found some explanations:

• Police found a prima dacie case that the pledge card was not authorised by a Labour Party official. Not really a major issue as it was the taxpayer funding and non-counting of the card as election expenses that were the heart of the matter. A warning was issued, which I think was fair.


• Police did not find sufficient evidence to charge Labour over the alleged over-spending. (Read: If they had, they would've.) Not enough evidence, no charge - fair enough.


• National and it's advertising agency will not be charged over the overspend of broadcasting allocation as Police were not sure who really mucked it up. A bit strange as the National Party publicly admitted responsibility, but public statements and actual points of law are not the same.


• The Exclusive Brethen pamphlets were found to be within the law regarding imitating National Party slogans, and that all reasonable steps to prevent delivery on polling day were taken.


• The EB pamphlets address issue was not pursued. Given the decision over the lack of authorisation on the pledge card any action would have been out of proportion.


• Three Trade Unions got a reminder that they have obligations under the Electoral Act - basically a message of "You have been warned, do it again and you will be charged". Once again fair enough, but hopefully not a precedent that any non-party organisation gets to break the law and get just a warning the first time.

So, everybody kept to the rules or bent the law insufficiently to merit a charge.

But a key issue for me - the use of taxpayer funds by Labour (and others) to campaign with has not been resolved. I know for sure in the National Party Hutt South election campaign that not one cent of taxpayers money was spent on election materials - we just wouldn't allow it.

I keenly await the Audit Office report - which should recommend that Labour pay back over $1 million for it's three Pledge Cards and ACT thousands for it's Sunday Star Times advertisement.

Some Sympathy for one teenage mother

I could never understand why anyone would risk getting pregnant as a teenager - but you do have feel some sympathy for the teenage girl on last nights TV3 Documentary whose life revolved around caring for her extremely overweight mother. Duties included showering her mother and wiping her mothers bum after she went to the tiolet.

Dominion Post Television reviewer Jane Bowron puts it very well:

"Small wonder when she became pregnant at the age of 19, for that act of rebellion would eventually allow her to leave home. Even teenage pregnancy and ostracism from a mother who hated the father of her child and allowed him only a couple of hours a day in her home while Chrisana waited on her hand and bottom would be better than that obscene tyranny."

If pregnancy was the only way out of that nightmare I'd do it, too.

"There Are No Kangaroos in Austria"

Everywhere you go in Austria there are tourist souvineers that say "There are no Kangaroos in Austria".

Well, guess what? It turns out there are Kangaroos running wild in Austria.

State Houses

Phil Heatley has uncovered figures showing high income earners are living in state houses while others are in dire need of housing. Really it shows what a muddle our state housing programme is in.

What we have at the moment is a halfway house between Housing New Zealand providing a social benefit of quality housing at a cheap rate and a commercial rental company making a profit. The Government should make up it's mind and decide which will be Housing NZ goal.

If it's to be a provider of cheap housing, then it should be allocated only to those who are in need. Those on higher incomes should be given notice that they have to move out. To discourage people hiding income, or not making an effort to get higher incomes there should be a limit of say 3 years before you have to move out regardless. The advantage in this is housing would generally be available when it is required and waiting lists will disappear.

If it's going to be a commercial residential rental company then all houses should charge full market rent. Any reduction in rental needs to be given by Income Support top ups. Once again, time limited so that there is an incentive to increase your income. The advantage in this system is it can apply to any landlord, not just the Government owned one.

The only exceptions to the time limits would be invalids and pensioners.

The Balkans

One of the places I want to go later this year is Belgrade the capital of Serbia - it's famous fortress and the Bridges over the Danube (that NATO bombed) and onto Bosnia to see Sarajevo, Mostar and Medjugorje before heading to Croatia to see Dubrovnik.

But with Slobodan Milosevic dying and the upcoming votes in Kosovo and Montengro to split away from Serbia it's all looking a little unstable at the moment. Let's hope that everything remains calm.

10 Worst Hair Cuts in Rugby (as judged by Planet Rugby)

1. Percy Montgomery (South Africa)

A mop of blonde hair cut with a Timotei wave and blow-dried quiff. The Springbok fullback looks like he should be lead singer of a boy band rather than an international rugby player. For a country that claims their players tackle wilderbeest for fun, Montgomery's salon coiffured barnet is a real disgrace.

2. Scott Quinnell (Wales)

Peroxided hair on the whole is pretty distasteful. On French stand-offs like Thomas Castaignede it is bearable, if slightly annoying. But when you're a pasty-faced, 18 stone Welshmen it's a disaster. Whoever told Quinnell he'd be the trendiest man in Llanelli if he bleached his hair should not be employed as anyone's style counsel.

3. Eric Champ (France)

Not content with having the silliest name in international rugby, this former French flanker also felt compelled to have one of the silliest haircuts. The original 'spaghetti head', Champ boasted a white man's Afro. He was 6ft 3 to start with, but with his noodle extensions he stood an impressive 7ft 3.

4. Any All Black backrower circa 1986

These guys perfected the 'gooner', characterised by the shaved sides, spiky front and long, straggly bits at the back. Zinzan Brooke may be a fashion icon of Chelsea, London these days, but the great No.8 had this style perfected in the mid-eighties. Others modelling classic Kiwi 'gooners' included Jamie Joseph and Wayne Shelford.

5. John Taylor (Wales)

He played like Neanderthal man but he also looked like Neanderthal man. Hair growing from every available orifice in every concievable direction, a truly terrifying sight for any No.10. Not known as 'Basil Brush' to his Wales team-mates for nothing, even in the style-free 1970s, Taylor's noggin was a shocker.

6. Philippe Sella (France)

Sella was unarguably one of the hardest men ever to play international rugby, but his legendary reputation was not enhanced by his haircut. The 'pudding bowl' is rare in rugby. Let's face it, such barnets have been pretty thin on the ground since the early 15th century. Dean Richards almost had one, Jeff Wilson got close in his early years, but Sella's was unsurpassed for every one of his staggering 111 caps.

7. John Jeffrey (Scotland)

The Borders flanker known as the 'White Shark' looked like he had been dead for 10 years and his haircut didn't help. It was white as snow and sort of stuck up from his head in a thick mass - almost like someone had put 10,000 volts through him.

8. Tony Daley (Australia)

Ever the individual, the Wallaby prop decided to take the 'Champ Noodle' and combine it with the 'Brooke Gooner'. The end product is an extraordinary sight which resembles a squirrel lying at full stretch over his head. Imagine Queen's Brian May with shaved sides and you're not a million miles away.

9. Dean Richards (England)

Richard couldn't get away without a mention. He doesn't have a ridiculous haircut persay, just a ridiculous haircut for an international No.8. In his heyday Richards sported a computer technician's cut. You know the sort of thing, flopping forward with a badly placed parting which spends more time across one eye than slickly brushed to one side. It says "I'd rather be changing the RAM in my new PC than spear tackling my opposite number back across the gain-line".

10. Clive Norling (Wales)

This is a little unfair because he's a referee not a player but Norling's barnet was unacceptable. Long, black, straight, usually greasy and accompanied with a moustache. Nevermind that he was an inspired referee, he should never been allowed to appear on global TV networks looking like that.

Runners-up: Honourable mentions go to Neil Back (England), Kobus van der Westhuizen (South Africa), Neil Jenkins (Wales) and Trevor Leota (Samoa) who were all in contention for the final placings.

Ahmed Zaoui Can Go Back Where He Came From ..

... and has been able to.

One thing that is completely overlooked when Ahmed Zaoui is mentioned is that he doesn't have to go back to Algeria, as Peter Brown suggested yesterday.

When the Swiss deported Zaoui and his family they arranged permanent residense in Burkina Faso and paid him an allowance each month. A NZ Herald report states:

"Zaoui wanted for nothing in Burkina Faso. He was paid a monthly allowance of 1500 francs (around $2000). Sometimes he went shopping at the market next to his house and sometimes he collected his children from the local school. He owned a green mercedes, had the use of a satellite dish, a computer with an internet connection, a cell phone, a caretaker and a maid."

So to solve the Zaoui problem he should be given a one-way ticket to Ouagadougou. He can then use his Swiss Allowance to buy tickets for his family to join him.

Sue Bradford

Trevor Loudon at New Zeal has posted a piece about Sue Bradford and her youthful affiliation to Communist Party organisations. I want to make it clear that Sue's politics and mine disagree on most things.

What I will say is that the public image of Sue Bradford of a screaming, radical protester is completely wrong. I was amazed at how different a personality Sue actually is from the image I had built in my own mind from the TV and Newspaper images I had seen of her.

Whatever Sue's faults, she has is a genuine, caring person. One of the nicest people in Parliament, says Deborah Coddington. I don't have an arguement with that sentiment.

Lower Hutt Apartment Tower

Yesterday the Hutt News published an article on a proposed 14 storey tall apartment building to be built on the existing site of the Angus Inn.

The tower will overlook the houses and backyards of many houses in the neighbourhood and will block the evening sun for some residents so natually they are a little peeved about it. But they can't object to it as it's permitted under the district plan.

This stand-off is actually caused by a loop-hole in the Resource Management Act - because Council and Residents didn't contemplate a tower block being built there is no restriction was included in the district plan about the site preventing the building going up.

Of course, if the old common law process was in place - that is, a property owner could prove some injury (like loss of privacy and sunlight) would occur because of the actions of the Tower developers - then they could prevent the construction until all parties had negotiated an agreeable course of action.

Another nail in the coffin for the RMA.

Pegasus Town

The weekend just gone I was down in Christchurch and happened to see the model for the new Pegasus Town. This is a new suburb to be built from scratch north of Christchurch - east of Rangiora and north of Kaiapoi.

The whole town looks like Wisteria Lane from "Desperate Housewives" - which makes me think what dirty laundry will this little town will be hiding.

But actually, the concept looks very sound to me - the town will have a golf course and lake for recreation and the sand dunes out to Pegasus Bay will be left untouched. The only thing missing is a High School - but Kaiapoi and Rangiora are only a few minutes away and Christchurch is a 30 minute drive.

I'm sure that the suburb will be a sucess.

George W Bush playing Rugby

TVNZ Gets the Wrong Party

Despite being named as a National MP in this TVNZ Article, Tuku Morgan never was a National Party MP. He was a NZ First MP, then left NZ First with the 'Tight Five' led by Tau Henare.

Someone at TVNZ really should check their facts.

UPDATE: The source of the story is listed at the bottom of the page - RNZ (or Radio New Zealand). So that's two news organisations that didn't notice.

Cactus Kate's DomPost Column

If you dare to tread where no sane man should go - that is the Woman's Section of the Thursday DomPost - you will find a new columnist has started. Cactus Kate (who's blog is undergoing a metamorphis at present) is going to give DomPost readers her opinions on life in general.

She's off to a good start - telling women that the secret to relationship happiness is to never hook up with wife bashers, the unemployed and Labour voters. (I would link to the article but I can't find it on Stuff.)

Threats to Gerry Brownlee

Now Helen Clark says she has something on Gerry Brownlee. If she thinks it is in the public interest for this information to become public, then she should release it, instead of sitting on it and letting the accusation go unanswered.

I'm sure Gerry clipped a pupil around the ears one time but I bet the little sod deserved it - I have no doubt the boy who got a tennis ball was being a prat and those who were on the recieving end of dusters were being disruptive.

But I doubt he ever went into the girls showers while 14 year old girls were in them, or went into girls dorms while people were getting dressed - then forget about the complaint he discussed with the school principal.

Bike to Work Day

Every year, Wellington City COuncil provide a free breakfast to anyone who cycles into Civic Square on "Bike to Work Day". There is usually a band playing, giveaways and speeches from local MPs and the Mayor.

As today was that day (and I never turn down a free meal) I headed along. The breakfast was better than last years

Now I must have a sign above my head that says "Greenies don't bother me" as the Option 3 crowd were out in foce collecting signatures. They think option 1 is Transmission Gully, option 2 is a Coastal Highway and option 3 is an expensive white elephant rail system. Bu they didn't ask me to sign their petition.

But the best news I heard this morning was that Trevor Mallard couldn't be there because he had two flat tyres.