The Next Best 10 Cricket Sledges

Back in January, I posted the 10 Best Cricket Sledges and Comebacks, and it's still the most popular page on my blog!

So, given the Ashes have just started, here's another 10 to keep you all happy:

10. Adam Parore and Mark Waugh
Mark Waugh: "I remember you from a couple of years ago in Australia, you were sh*t then and you're f*cking useless now."
Adam Parore: "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her."

9. Mark Waugh and John Ormond
Mark Waugh: "What are you doing here, you're not good enough to play for England."
John Ormond: "At least I'm the best cricketer in my family."

8. Inzaman Ul-Haq and Brett Lee
Inzy: "Stop bowling off-spinners."

7. Ian Healy to Arjuna Ranatunga.
The portly Ranatunga was batting but wouldn't leave his crease, denying Healy of any chance of stumping him. Ian Healy yelled; "Put a Mars Bar on a good length, that should do it!"

6. (South African born and English Captain) Tony Greig and David Hookes
Tony Greig: "When are balls going to drop sonny"
David Hookes: "Don't know but at least I'm playing Cricket for my own country"

5. Ian Healy and Arjuna Ranatunga (Yes, again!)
Ian Healy: "Got your legs shivering?"
Arjuna Ranatunga: "Yes, I’m tired after sleeping with your wife."

4. Unknown Sydney Club Player
After a batsman played and missed for the third time in the over one of the slips said just loudly enough..."Yeah his wife was telling me in the shower this morning that he has been off his stroke in the bedroom, too."

3. Ravi Shastri to Mike Whitney
Shastri hit a delivery and looks for a single. Whitney (who was a substitute fielder) gets the ball and says "If you leave the crease I'll break your f*cking head"
Shastri: "If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the f*cking 12th
man"

2. Sunil Gavaskar
After a lame attempt by a young West Indian bowler to un-nerve him, Gavaskar let him know who was boss: "Son, don't waste time sledging at me. I have been sledged at more often than you have taken a piss".

1. Merv Hughes to Graham Gooch
Hughes: "I'll get a piano, we'll see if you can play that instead."

More on Hager.

Nicky Hager's book alleges National used it's Leaders Fund to fund advertisements by the Racing Industry.

Auditor-General Kevin Brady didn't include it in his report, so I think it's unlikely to be true. Also, if the ads exist, they would have to include the Parliamentary Crest, or else Parliamentary Services wouldn't pay for it. And no-ones produced copies yet.

But even if it is true, thanks to Labour passing retrospective legislation, it's all completely legal! So if Kevin Brady does investigate, he'll have to report it as being within the rules.

UPDATE: Seems I got this one bang on. Gerry Brownless has confirmed it was not paid for with Parliamentary funds, so Kevin Brady didn't find and report it. And Kevin Brady has confirmed that Michael Cullen's validating legislation has meant he's got nothing to investigate.

Don't Get Mad - Get Even!

Question of the day - Why is a campaign of posters and pamphlets designed to be outside the electoral law so as not needing to be included in Election Returns attracting so little attention?

Poster 1:


Poster 2:


Poster 3:


Pamphlet 1 (Microsoft Power Point, 420Kb)


Pamphlet 2 (Adobe PDF, 241Kb)


Pamphlet 3 (Adobe PDF, 736Kb)


This is just a selection. There are some pamphlets which have been removed from the Union websites they were originally published.

On David Benson-Pope

This might seem strange, but I actually like David Benson-Pope. While I was working at Parliament I chatted to him a few times as he knows my parents in South Dunedin and he always treated me with respect. So perhaps this tempers my comments.

Now I must admit to being unable to pick up a Womens Day if a) no-one is looking, and b) I've nothing better to do. I can't resist the racy gossip pages on the lives of Hollywood stars and Shortland Street actors.

So I can't pretend not to have had a little snigger at the allegation from Ian Wishart that David Benson-Pope is a member of a BDSM Group called 'Southern Kinks'. I have no idea if it's true, or made up, or possibly a misunderstanding. (Presumably Wishart wouldn't have published it unless he could defend a defamation action.)

But one thing I'm sure of is that if it is true, then good luck to him. It doesn't effect his performance as a Minister and it doesn't effect his performance as an MP. So whatever he does in his private life is not our business, unless he is breaking any laws.

So, I'll have my snigger - but I won't be losing any sleep over these allegations. And I'll say that Wishart shouldn't have published the story, becuase he should be prepared for the day someone brings up some private aspect of his life that he isn't proud of.

Hagers Book

From what I've seen on the Herald Website, Hagers book is a load of sh*t.

So far we've learnt that Michael Bassett, Roger Kerr and others volunteered to help Don Brash. Imagine that, people volunteering their time in politics!

And that businessmen liked Don Brash and his policy agenda so gave money to the National Party to help pay for National's election campaign. Imagine that, people giving donations to political parties!

If these are crimes, then I'm guilty of them. I've both done voluntary work for political parties and given money to political parties. Should I go down to the police station and confess?

That members of a church discussed an anti-Government campaign with National, and that they kept National informed of progress. So Hager can only claim that National knew, but didn't help. I write this blog, which is generally anti-Labour and encourages people to vote for National - Hager's just written a anti-National and anti-Brash book!

What's interesting is what's not in the book. Despite proving beyond doubt that Brash recieved help from donors and volunteers - there is no corruption, no using taxpayers funds to fund election material, no dodgy business practices (like buying houses from desperate constituents, or taking bribes, or getting cheap tiling for helpign a constituent) and no suggestion that Don Brash or the National Party broke any law.

If that's the best you can do, Hager should hack Labour's emails. I, for one, would like to see what Helen Clark really thinks of Field; how she schemed to get out of jail on the art forgery, speedgate and pledge card scandals; what exactly Parekura Horomia and Judith Tizard actually do; etc, etc.

A message to all Socialists.

So, Don Brash has called it quits. On reflection I guess it's no surprise, really, after all the lies and bull that's been thrown at him from the Left.

Don Brash dared to question whether New Zealand should go down the path of having special privledges in law for Maori - and he was called a bigot and a racist. But when the polls turned against the left, they become (as the Prime Minister called it) 'genuine concerns'.

Don Brash suggested that the Government Surplus should be given back to the workers, who after all contributed it in the first place, plus giving a lift to economic conditions - and he was accused of wanting to slash and burn Government Services like Health, Education and Welfare because somehow giving $4 Billion in tax cuts couldn't be funded from a $8 Billion surplus.

Members of a minority church liked the policies of National under Don Brash, offered to help National win an election, and Don Brash is said to be changing his vote under the influence of the Exclusive Brethern.

Don Brash is known as preferring free market solutions, so is accused of being controlled by the Business Roundtable like he can't think for himself. The man that has headed large companies since his early thirties, was trusted with exporting all of New Zealand's Kiwifruit, and was Reserve Bank Governor for 15 years.

Don Brash put together an excellent campaign team that came within an inch of unseating the ruling party with a popular PM, a strong economy and a willingness to do anything to stay in power - including making up bribes, er, policy on the spot in a desperate attempt to win votes.

Don Brash dared to challenge Labour over it's outrageous Election Funding arrangements - only to find the only retaliation he got was to have his personal life questioned and dragged into the mud.

In the end, you have destroyed the political career of Don Brash, a man of obvious intelligence, talent and belief in improving New Zealand who wasn't doing it for the perks and prestiege - remember he willingly took a $400,000 paycut to become an MP - he was doing it out of a sense of duty to bring about changes that he genuinely believed to be beneficial to New Zealand.

So I hope your happy. Every dirty trick in the book has been rolled out against Brash. Just imagine if you'd put all your efforts into coming up with policy that helps New Zealand get ahead - but that's obviously too hard.

Inside the Beltway

Here is my bold prediction: Nicky Hager's book is this weeks news. Next week everyone else will be thinking of something other than Don Brash's emails - probably how the stadium in Auckland can be built on time. That is, unless Don Brash has actually committed a criminal offense, or stayed just inside the law but has been unethical.

To back my prediction up - today's poll on Stuff. While self-selecting and highly unscientific, it does reflect the apathy most people have to political manuveuring.

Furthermore, the fervour of comments in Political Blogs make me think this is the type of issue that gets politicos excited, but the general public goes yawn and wonders "why they don't concentrate on more important issues".



UPDATE: Okay, So I think I got this prediction very wrong. Bugger!

Television Journalists who don't do research

Duncan Garner (TV3): Do you know in 2005 when you first met the Brethren? When they first became interested in helping the National Party in the campaign, so look at when the election was and try to remember when your first meeting was, or a phone call, or an email. Do you remember?

Dr Brash: No I don't. I don't think I have ever had email from the Exclusive Brethren.



Exclusive Brethern don't use computers!

Reason Why Lower Hutt is Better than Auckland #417

Our Mayor doesn't do what 'the voices' tell him.

Stadium New Zealand for Sale

Okay, the first auction of the stadium got pulled, but this one won't be!

One model replica of the Auckland Waterfront Stadium, available now!



Apparently, it fell out of a speeding Ministers Limo.

White Ribbons

This morning there was a promotion at the Wellington Railway Station for the White Ribbon Campaign. Labour list MP Charles Chauvel was there, along with people from various government agencies like the Families Commission.

Normally, anything that has Labour MPs or the Family Commission involved would make me run a mile - and despite the best intentions of the campaign, this is no exception. The plan is to get men to wear a white ribbon to show support for ending violence against women.

The premise of this is a little uncomfortable and non-inclusive - it makes the assumption that women never assault men, women don't assault other women, or that men don't assault other men. Wouldn't White Ribbon Day be better if it was condemning all domestic violence. For example, as part of my research into White Ribbon day, I visited the Families Commission Website and found a checklist of warning signs for domestic violence. Every item on the checklist is about what 'he' does.

So, I won't be partricipating - wearing a White Ribbon makes people "think" that I don't condone domestic violence. I would rather that people "know" I don't condone domestic violence by my actions, rather than some vague outward symbol.

Child Abuse is Your Fault

When I saw the headline to this article in the NZ Herald, I thought it was harsh. And the first paragraph was even harsher.

"The head of the country's social services [Peter Hughes] has lashed out at adult New Zealanders, saying it is time they took responsibility for child abuse and stopped blaming Government departments for events like the death of the Kahui twins."

But when you read down the article, you see it's not an attack on all New Zealand Adults, it's an attack on those who know or suspect that a child is being abused and do nothing. As Peter Hughes points out, you only have to phone CYF anonymously and report the incidents that raise your suspicions, and CYF will investigate and intervene if necessary.

So, if you know of someone abusing a child, take responsibility and phone CYFs.

MIlton Friedman, passed away aged 94

Michael Ellis: Yes, it is Michael Ellis here. I recently read your book “Free To Choose”, in which you describe problems like unsustainable social security, government overspending and poor-quality state provided education. This book is now thirty years old, but it still describes current reality. Why do you think these problems have not been tackled?

Milton Friedman: They have been tackled but they haven’t been solved. And they haven’t been solved because there haven’t been enough people like you and me who are in favour of solving them. There are no shortcuts to these. One of the things that is most impressive is the strength of vested interest. Rose and I titled one of our books, “The Tyranny of the Status Quo”. And that’s what is very depressing. It is much easier to get some policy adopted by government than it is to get rid of it when it doesn’t work. Because every programme that is adopted establishes a group of people that have a strong vested interest in it, while the harm it does tends to be spread broadly. And a little bit here and a little bit there, and nobody who is effected that way has an incentive to do much about it.

The example I always use in discussing this in the United States is a quota on sugar. We have a sugar quota that had a historical role , having nothing to do with economics, but with Cuba. Once it was adopted you can’t get rid of it. And you can’t get rid of it because it’s effect is to impose a small sum of a dollar or two or three on each of the millions of housewives while the producers of sugar cane and sugar beets, who are protected by it, have a strong interest in it. They will testify in congress for its continuation, while no sugar customer will go to congress to testify against it. And the same thing is true with many of the other programmes you just mentioned.


From the ACT Party Website.

The Ever Leaky Memory of Winston Peters

We all know that somehow Winston forgot that he said he didn't want the baubles of office, only to take them after the election.

But Winston gave an interview published in last weeks Trans Tasman newsletter with some great memory gaps.

TRANS TASMAN: WHAT DO YOU ATTRIBUTE YOUR SUCCESS AS A POLITICIAN IN THE MMP ERA TO?
WINSTON PETERS: NZ First stands for something: we get things done.We have just launched a local Govt rates inquiry.

Sorry, but that Local Government Rates inquiry was from the pressure of Rodney Hide. If he had not put forward his Rating Cap bill then there would be no Inquiry.

TRANS TASMAN: WHAT ARE YOUR MAIN GOALS AS FOREIGN MINISTER?
WINSTON PETERS: I set out, when I got the job, that the Pacific was my number one priority. That was my number one priority and it still is.

Back in October last year, number one priority was repairing the ANZUS relationship.

But at least it looks like the end is nigh for Winston:

TRANS TASMAN: ARE THERE ANY POLITICAL AMBITIONS UNFILLED?
WINSTON PETERS: No, not really.

Subscribers to the Trans Tasman can view the full interview here. If you're not a subscriber, then you can subscribe here.

Attention Grabbing Headline of the Year

On Stuff.

"Beyonce to star in lesbian flick with Eva Longoria".

Making the World a Safer Place.

Jordan Carter claims the world is a safer place now the Democrats control the US Congress, and Donald Rumsfield is no longer Secretary of Defence. Hate to break this news to you, but the Democrats have an awful track record on making the world safe.

In 1992, an unknown Terrorist called Osama Bin Laden organised a plot to set off bombs underneath the World Trade Centre towers in New York. The Democratic President and his cabinet did, well nothing about him, Instead they concentrated on catching the foot soldiers in Bin Laden's organisation.

Attacks on US interests around the world continued, and Bill Clinton and his cabinet only - as George W Bush famously noted - fired a $2 million dollar missle to hit a camel in a tent the butt.

So after 8 years in office, Bill Clinton did next to nothing to stop World Terrorism. 9 months later, Osama Bin Laden's agents hijacked commercial jets and, well, you know the rest.

So Bill Clinton and the Democrats proved that doing nothing about terrorism means you get more terrorism. And more terrorism is a sign of a less safe world.

So if you are to claim that one US Party is better at the other at making the world safer, I know which party I'd be backing. (And it's not the Jackass party.)

Disappointed over Drinking Age Vote

This morning I was disappointed over the vote last night to raise the drinking age to 20.

Not disappointed about the outcome - I supported retaining 18 years as the legal age - but that the MP who set up National's Liberal Wing, Chris Finlayson, voted for the increase.

Being a Social Liberal is not a 'Yes, but ...' choice. You either trust people to make their own decisions without Government interference, or you don't. You also know that not everyone will handle the responsibility, but accept that denying choices to others is not a solution to their recklessness.

What's even more galling is social conservatives like Bill English and Peter Dunne voted against the age increase.

Children are the Responsibility of ...

Children's Commissioner Cindy Kiro has outlined her 'vision for New Zealand children'. She said, “My vision is that every child in New Zealand is safe, nurtured, educated, healthy, and has hope for the future.”

Good sentiment. But then comes: "“Ensuring that children are safe and nurtured, have the resources to develop to their full potential, and have their views considered in matters that affect them, is a fundamental responsibility of governments and communities.” (My emphasis.)

And I always thought it was the fundamental responsibility of Parents. (Yes, plural!) Perhaps Cindy Kiro's perfect world is like the one in George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty Four where children were supposed to have allegience to 'Big Brother' ahead of their family.

In fact, the word 'Parents' only is mentioned in the context of them seeking help from Government and NGOs to ensure their children are safe and nutured.

Compare these stories

The Spicer Valley Tip Bears - http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/dominionpost/0,2106,3848623a6000,00.html

and

"Dougal, the Garbage Dump Bear" - http://www.times.co.nz/cms/arts/book_review/2005/07/art10006604.php

Stolen - Jack O'Lantern

Since moving to Lower Hutt, each year we have participated in Halloween handing out chocolate bars to children who knocked on the door and declared "Trick or Treat".

Last year, we put out a glowing plastic Jack O'Lantern (Y'know, the Pumpkin) to encourage children who were trick or treating to come knocking. Word got out and soon we had every child in the neighbourhood at our door - not one of them in costume - asking for chocolates.

So this year, I put up a sign as well - "You must be in costume to be get a treat". Two kids (aged about 12) saw the Lantern and came to the font door, trying to get chocolates. I pointed out the sign, and they agreed to go and get into costume. An hour later they were back, stuffing their faces with chocolate from other neighbours - but still no costumes. So they were turned away empty handed again.

We had three other groups visit - all in costume, all supervised by a parent, and all getting a handful of chocolate each. I especially impressed by the kid in the vampire costume who had painted his face with dark circles under the eyes and blood dripping down his cheeks. (I managed to resist getting out my holiday photos from Romania to show him the sights of Transylvania)

At nine o'clock, I went out to get the Jack O'Lantern from the gate, only to find it had gone. While I know it could have been taken anyone who went by, my gut feel is the two kids I turned away have taken it. I've seen them around and I know they live around the corner, but I don't know which house.

So now all the other kids who go to the effort of dressing up miss out on seeing our cool Lantern.

Anyway, I am now more determined to stick to the 'no costume, no treat' rule next year.